Bonner's Journal- Day 14. She's mobile

January 28 Day 14

watch out, she is mobile!

The catheter removal yesterday proved to be major challenge. We didn't sleep more than an hour or so all night. Several times we had to wake to do the "bed pan thing".

Hard night, but made progress. So thankful to be off the catheter.

Today Hannah pulled herself with her legs in the wheelchair. Her leg movements are very irregular, which is officially termed spasticity by the medical profession. The spasmodic movement is the effect of her spinal cord's messages not making it to all the muscles, and the muscle's feedback not making it back to the brain. This delayed signal is due to the swelling in the cord. With time and therapy we are believing that ALL her movement will be just as graceful as she was in her days of competitive dance. The God of Hannah heals completely, not just partially.

The team of therapists are regularly getting her into the standing position. These brief moments of her being vertical, even though she is basically being held up by her trainers, are "reprogramming" the spinal nerves and responding muscles.

Oh, how encouraging it is to see her progress!
I love this little woman.

She is a long way from just being able to move her left thumb and toes, as she was 14 days ago.

Bonner's Journal- Day 13. Humble & thankful

January 27. Day 13
Humble and thankful

Today's celebration was the removal of the catheter, the ability to hold her urine, and to almost clear all of her bladder at will. This is a greater hurdle than we could have ever imagined.

Thank you God!

"And those members of the body, which we think to be less honorable, upon these we bestow more honor; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness...and if one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honored, all the members rejoice with it."
 1 Corinthians 12

Bonner's Journal-Day 12. SCI education

January 26. Day 12
More education on SCI

We are learning more from the medical staff about the common symptoms associated with a spinal cord injury

The doctors are telling us that they are not sure how much Hannah's bowel function and bladder control is hindered by the injury. They have already diagnosed a decrease in natural functioning, and they are fore-warning us of permanent damage. As they took us through a lengthy discussion about all the things to expect naturally, our faith has been severely tested.

Even though we greatly appreciate their in-depth knowledge, the possibility of permanent dysfunction has created a heavy realization on Hannah's mind and emotions. It has been especially difficult for her to battle shame when she has to endure the bowel program that the nurses have to administer in the evenings.

Equally difficult has been the pressing decision to face the immediate needs of family & work...my children have been with my parents for  almost two weeks, and I have a football program to manage.

Priorities have been made evident:

I am a son of God
I am a husband
I am a father
I am a football coach... in that order.

How does our family survive these tough times?
What can we possibly contribute to God's plan?

We will overcome as we maintain a balance of patience AND persistence. The secret is in "Doing" what He leads us to do, as we hold on patiently. Mostly, we are active in listening, preparing and learning, while resting in our circumstance. Our finite minds want the end result, and struggle to rest in adversity. It seems foolish to common thinking, but I know that something big lies on the other side of the trouble we are encountering.

But that what makes me different.
I am not a normal man, I am man of faith.
I believe what Jesus says.
If Jesus is not the healer that He says that He is, then my faith is worthless.

Bonner's Journal-Day 11. 2nd day of therapy

January 25. Day 11. 
2nd day of therapy

 Hannah is thankful to be out of bed, despite extreme dizziness and nausea

Adjusting to the timing of God, and trusting it.

Allowing patience to have its perfect work. Today we celebrated the ability to get out of bed & into a wheelchair. For us, this is a huge victory, even though it may seem small. In actuality, small victories are not really small at all. We are thankful to not be dead.

What is God accomplishing through these days of hardship?
What is He doing in these days of waiting?

He is instilling in us the necessary humility and compassion for being responsible in our future positions of leadership.
He is also revealing His nature...LOVE
He is faithful to His promises, and we can trust the methods that bring about His destined plan for our lives.

Bonner's Journal-Day 10.1st day of Therapy

Tuesday January, 24. Day 10. 1st day of Therapy 

 Began physical therapy today

The team of therapist carefully transferred Hannah out of bed and into a wheelchair. I realized how "fragile" she is right now, and how completely helpless her body has become. She essentially can do NOTHING for herself. Gravity is just too much much resistance for her weak body to overcome.
The signals being sent to her muscles are not strong enough to move anything on her own, probably due to the swelling that is still on her cord.

Therapy was torture.

Hannah was a champ. I am so proud of my wife. She is the most determined, focused and committed lady I know. During the duration of today's excruciating tests and examinations I never heard her complain or ask to quit.

I do not mean to be crude with this next statement, but the reality of the process that she is overcoming in needs to be told. Due to the devastating effects of a spinal cord injury, added to the immense amounts of narcotics that the medical staff have had to administer to her, to combat the high levels of pain ...she has not had a bowel movement for 10 days. Today she had to endure the humiliating "bowel program". She is also on a catheter to capture her urine. Often the bladder's function is hindered, and sometimes destroyed, when the spinal cord is injured.
This reality has created for Hannah, and I, a new thankfulness for the often overlooked processes of the body. Using the restroom was always just something that happened, but now we see it in a completely different light. We are expecting a complete healing in this area, and are hoping that full sensation and control will be hers soon.

It is obvious that we are being assigned to a LIVE IN facility. This is not what I envisioned. My human interpretation of God's healing had her leaping out of bed days ago, however I can clearly see that God's timetable rarely matches ours.

I do not like what seems to be coming, but I refuse to miss His blessings because of my refusal to wait on Him.

We are obviously in a DIVINE DELAY.

 If God would have just handed us an instant healing we would have had no opportunity to walk by faith.

Bonner's Journal-Day 9. Rehab center

Monday January, 23. Day 9
A New Journey
Leon Peters rehabilitation Center

Today we joined the Leon Peters rehabilitation Center on the 6th floor of the hospital. A welcome change of scenery, knowing that we are transitioning from medical care to therapy and forward progress! We were informed that there are only two spinal cord facilities in California, one here in Fresno and the other in San Francisco. Having Hannah so close to our family and friends will be critical in the days to come. Support is vital.

Let me make something very clear...
If you read this journal and only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. Our lives are carrying a PRECIOUS  Message, in the  details of a normal human ordinary life. We have a story to tell, but we as everyday people are nothing special.We know that our 'normalness' is to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power... with us, Bonner and Hannah.

Those that know know us know that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.

What they did to Jesus, they do to us...trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us...He lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, if you are REALLY listening you're getting in on the best!

We're not keeping this quiet...not on your life.

Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," Bonner and Hannah are saying what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you who believe...alive. Every detail works to our mutual advantage and to God's glory: more and more favor, more and more people, more and more praise!

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.

These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

See 2 Corinthians 4:7-18

Bonnner's Journal-Day 8. 9th floor

Sunday January, 22. Day 8. 
On the 9th floor

It is interesting that there are two forces at work in our current situation. The further we have moved from the serious stages of this trial we are filled with a peace and knowing that God has us in His loving hand, yet the difficulty of each day increases. 

How could it get worse? 
I thought that this ordeal would lighten up once I found out she wasn't dead...but it has not.
In one aspect Hannah's future is better, in another it seams very bleak, almost overwhelming.
I am truly expecting a complete "rise up and walk" miracle each day, yet I am committed to endure patiently no matter how long the healing process may take.

 Our journey is far from over

Being on the 9th floor provided the biggest challenge so far.  I was not allowed to stay with her as I was permitted in the ICU, which proved to be the most damaging factor to Hannah's progress thus far. No matter how many times I pleaded for them to allow me to stay they forced me to leave from 9 pm to 8 am her first night. I will never forget the helpless look in my wife's eyes as I regretfully said goodbye to her for the first time since her injury. 

She wept.
She explained to me that she was afraid that she was being left in a new room, with a new nursing staff, and with absolutely no way to help herself. Her paralysis was literally imprisoning her. 


How I turned my back on her, and walked out of that room, I do not know.

When I arrived in the morning she had digressed. She was worse off than she was when I left her the night before. The fact that she was sharing a room, plus the continual noise of the monitors and active nurses caused Hannah to actually lose progress. 
After a family friend, who is a doctor, spoke to the nursing staff on the 9th floor we were allowed to stay with Hannah for the duration of the day and night. Another favor from God that helped us overcome the hurdles that kept coming.
 
In an attempt to move forward with Hannah's progress I began to do physical therapy exercises as I was instructed by the medical staff. It is surprising how aggressive the medical interventions are for a spinal cord injury, as compared to the methods of a few decades ago. The importance of immediately moving the SCI patient is critical in "retraining" the neuro-pathways, and because of this understanding people are getting well much faster than before. We were told that in the past the patient was commonly placed on a bed and not moved for a year or so, long enough for the swelling around the cord to reduce, and whatever that person could do after a year was their fate in life. Not so for Hannah. In just three days from surgery she began her movement training. Very painful, but necessary.

I believe that God sent the exact care team that we needed. Each one of them was a messenger of light, when we were in a dark place. An example of one of God's assignments was a Physicians Assistant that monitored Hannah. She became a major source of faith for Hannah and I. She gently shared her own personal victory over paralysis and gave Hannah great hope.  

I have heard it said that hope (expectation) paints the picture for your coming victories.

I have heard it said that hope (expectation) is the breeding ground for a miracle.

Today our first born son Bladen called my cell and carefully explained to me that God had sent him a dream in the night. He dreamed that his mother was healthy, healed and whole, and was in front of our home with a new car!

The report of our son's dream agreed with what God had said...FULL RECOVERY!


I BELIEVE