Bonner's Journal-Day 35. Planning our new life

February 18. Day 35

Today is the 2nd day of my fast. 
I am feeling strong and focused on the call of God on our marriage, children and upcoming ministry. Fighting hunger has prepared my heart for anything that God may want to do with us. 

God asked  "Whom shall I send?"... Isaiah said, "Here I am, send me!"

I say the same. 

I want to be used by Him. I want to be useful to my King. I willingly sacrifice ALL for your purposes, Lord.
 
We spent this entire Saturday planning and bringing order to our home. My aunt, our Nanni, the kids and I discussed over the course of seven hours, every aspect of our home life and how we are going to follow the spirit of wisdom and organization. God is clearly trimming our family back and building our lives on His solid foundation. We are seeing the beginnings of order.

What great thing does He have in store for us? How different is our future walk with Him, that He would completely restart our entire life? 

All involved intimately with our journey can see the hand of God on this new beginning.

Bonner's Journal-Day 34. The fast begins

February 17. Day 34

 Learning to walk all over again

God has pressed the restart button on our lives. 

New Beginnings is upon us. 

Plow deeply Lord! Tear up that which is hardened against you.

Today I began a 21 day liquid fast for Hannah, for our family and for the call of God on our lives. 
Jesus said, "Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled."

I am one of those He is describing. This passage is describing where Bonner Cunnings is in his life right now. I am HUNGRY for God's plan. I THIRST for His way of living. I desire His correction, teaching and equipping more than food!
 
The kids also began a fast today for Hannah. I am amazed at the maturity level of my young family. I have never heard of children who would skip meals so that they could press God for their needs. I am so proud of them. They are learning to be conquerors.
I am fasting from food because I need to know the right way to go with our life. We came too close to death for me to just shrug this off. I have had my reality check.

I cannot be confused about the future choices that lie ahead.



I am refusing all food, seeking God's face and trusting that He is guiding me. Because fasting is something that Jesus said to do, I know that I am correct in using this form of concentration to clearly see the direction for my family. 

The children and I prayed a prayer of agreement (Matthew 18:19) that she will have gained everything she needs in her soul from the Lord, she will have gained everything she needs in her body from therapy, and be released in time to be at our churches yearly camp meeting.

Her therapy today presented a challenge, that proved to shake her to the core of her soul. The simple task of  stepping onto a small box was overwhelming, causing her to break down with weeping. I got a small glimpse of how much of a test this entire journey is on her mind, will and emotions.

Oh God, have your glory in my wife! Strengthen her for the battle you have assigned to her in the future.

Bonner's Journal-Day 33. Fancy Braid

February 16. Day 33 

 No matter how miserable the neck brace is, Hannah is still smiling

33 days in the hospital, 24 days of rehab. Our life is truly starting over from scratch.

Patience with Gods perfect timing of things, and full effort with what we find in our power to do. Soften our heart to receive what you are desiring to plant, Lord!

I am truly amazed at the medical &therapy staff and their knowledge of how the body works. Their ability to accurately diagnose what Hannah's body is doing and assign accurate movements that rehabilitate each and every muscle group is phenomenal. I am increasing in my knowledge of the body each day. I can see how this field is at the other end of the spectrum of what I do with athletes.
How magnificent is Gods intricate creation! Such wisdom in the field of healing!

I am constantly hearing the OT/PT report how Hannah is capable of doing more than the day before, which is a good sign that her therapy is effective and still needed. The doctor even said that her progress is as if she is going up stairs multiple steps/accomplishments at a time. 

Exponential progress is the result of Hannah's unswerving effort and complete hope in God. 

I tried to get credit for braiding her hair, but none of the nurses were fooled

Bonner's Journal-Day 32. God is NOT in control

February15. Day 32

Thank you Lord for making repairs on our life...Physical repairs, Mental repairs and repairs to our relationships. Repairs that are necessary for survival.

As it is with so many people, the enemy has taken illegal residence in our life. He has cleverly worked his way into the way we think, the way we talk, the habits we have, the decisions we make...so that we cannot defend ourselves against his attacks on our own, without the help of God.
I hate the devil so much, because he is so good at destroying lives. Just look at the amount of evil, perversion and injustice that has filled our world. It is so obvious that there is something terribly wrong! We have an enemy. Whether you see him or not is the clincher.

"God is in control"...people say.  But that statement is not completely true. God is NOT in control over all things on this earth and the things that are happening here. If He were in control He is doing a lousy job! NO, people are in control of their life, and they make decisions every day that ruin their life and many others! They are deceived, trapped and blinded into life destroying decisions...by their invisible enemy, Satan.

God has delegated dominion and authority on earth to humans...He is not a thief, He is not going to take back what He has given to us. He has given us all the ammunition we need to overcome everything that this horrible world could throw at us... in His simple little book. Every single answer is there for every person on earth to have total victory.

Why don't you read it?

God is not some puppet master in the sky who decided to smash Hannah head on in a car wreck to teach her a lesson. He was not in control of that car...however He DOES get involved when we ask Him! Because we invited Him into our life, He was involved in protecting Hannah...in protecting my marriage...in protecting my children's future...in protecting our impact on this world.

He can only help those who invite Him. He can only assist those who ask for it. He is a gentlemen...He doesn't barge His way into your life. He must be asked. Isn't that what you would want? Don't you want people to invite you into their friendship?

In Matthew 6:9-10 Jesus tells us what we should expect here on earth. He tells us to EXPECT HEAVEN ON EARTH. What does heaven look like? Do people go paralyzed? Do people have trouble walking? Are people in pain? Are people sad and depressed?
No, they are not...and we shouldn't be either. We are to pray that our lives on earth will mimic what it looks like in heaven!

I want to live in His heavenly will, right now. So I give God control. He has permission to take full control over the Cunning's life. I relinquish all control, and hand it over to Him. I am learning the hard way that I cannot control my life.

Are you smart enough to relinquish control?

Bonner's Journal-Day 31. Kids back to school

February 14. Day 31

Today is Hannah's 22nd day of rehab.

God is repairing many holes in our existence, through His loving hand.
Today is the first day of school for our children in over a month. They have been privileged to be at their grandparents for a month (Hannah's accident was January the 14th). Sheltering them from the harsh reality that my wife and I are facing is a good thing. Children need to be free from the burden of care. They will have plenty of time to absorb the upcoming challenges that we will face.

Yesterday and last night we established what the operation of the home will be like with mommy gone, today we began our new journey. Getting back to our "normal" routine won't be the same without my wife, but we must piece our lives back together.

Everyone is excited to go back to school, especially when the entire school is celebrating their return with a Valentines party!

Bonner's Journal-Day 30. Be a man!

February, 13. Day 30

Getting my house in order.
Help, God!

I have been living the fasted life since we began this journey. I have never fasted before, so this entire process is new to me...but one that I MUST take. Desperation for the voice of God has consumed me.

Through fasting, prayer, study, praise and reflection I have asked God to dig into the deepest part of my being as I go about being the head of this household. Oh, God! Search out my heart!

Have I ever really been a leader? Have I ever done ALL that I knew in my heart that I should? Why would I wait until tragedy strikes to find God's desire for my family? Really allow HIM to show me what a husband-father looks like?

So many opportunities to teach and train my children in Godly living have been presented to me, it boggles my mind. I see teachable moments everywhere.


How many times have I overlooked the opportunity to be a dad? How many moments have I let slip through my fingers? What was I focused on all these years? How many times did my own heart convict me that I needed to change?

The reality of being a failing father is disgusting! 

I REFUSE to be a loser who selfishly seeks his own. I REFUSE to go after a life of self, and leave my family to fend for themselves. I REFUSE to justify in my mind that I deserve to make myself feel good, when I know in my heart that I am to seek my families needs first. I REFUSE to be a lazy slob who hides behind the lie that "I go to work and provide for my family." I REFUSE to lie to myself. I REFUSE to remain a coward. I REFUSE to hide behind my family when I know I should be walking out the role He has called me to be in my profession and social position. I REFUSE to act religious, when I know I am to be a warrior!

God said, "Husbands love your wives (and children) just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." 

Did you get that Bonner? Jesus DIED for the church...you are to DIE for your wife and children! Jesus showed His love by giving up His desires for the church...you are to give away your selfish motives and serve your family. Jesus proved love by doing what was difficult, you are to do the same.

Why don't we start with the way you SPEAK to your wife and family, Bonner?...do you speak to them in the loving tone that Jesus talks to the church? Do your words reflect His love?

There are so many weaklings out there...that call themselves men, but do not do what men are supposed to do. I REFUSE to be one of them.

Here is what men do:
Men lay down their life. Men serve. Men make the extra effort. Men do the tasks that no one wants to do. Men go the distance for their wives and children, even when it is uncomfortable. Men refuse to seek their own pleasure, but choose the well being of their families first. Men spend unending hours searching their own hearts for selfishness...then they destroy it. Men live a quest for excellence. Men live a life of transparency. Men snitch on their own sin to their wives, so that sin has no hiding place.  Men get their own house in order, then they reach out to other men to do the same.

No more excuses. Step up and be a man. Quit blaming. Quit justifying. Quit whining & complaining. Are you a man or not? What did God make you to be? 

Where are all the men?


Wake up Bonner!
Wake up husband!
Wake up father!

I  choose to become a better man. Complete humility. Complete renovation of this house, gutting it out, down to the rock on which my foundation stands...Jesus the ultimate man. No one ever gave as much as He did. He is my hero. I choose to do what He did.

I know that with my surrender, as the leader of this house, God can direct our steps into greatness. Wherever He is taking this Christ-centerd family is going to be big!

Bonner's Journal-Day 29. 5 year old strength

February, 12. Day 29

Woke up in my own bed alone. 

Difficult night without Hannah, but my 5 year old son came in and spent the night with me. I know it is selfish, but I drew much comfort from him. I recognize in myself how adults so often "pull" from their children....because I am pulling from my own. I know it is backward, but I am gaining strength from being with my children.

Who can Hannah pull from on nights like these? Only you Holy Spirit. Without you being with her I would be concerned for her well being. Please comfort her.

Another challenge the children and I faced when we got home was an empty propane tank! 

How is this happening? No heat, no hot water, no cooking, no showers. My life is really being challenged right now....it is laughable.



Being that it is Sunday the children and I went to church and then had our family visit with Hannah. 

Good afternoon, especially when my aunt gave her a new pair of pink and white coach sneakers... we were able to show the family her ability to stand up.

Bonner's Journal-Day 28. Break to Starbucks

February 11, Day 28

Her first out to eat visit today, we pushed her several blocks to Starbucks for a great few hours of conversation and snacks

Today is our 19th day in the rehabilitation center. Could you have ever imagined that you would spend 19 days away from your wife?...let alone with her in a rehab facility fighting for her life?

We learned through their educational sessions that the "spinal shock stage" usually lasts 6-8 weeks, post surgery date. That means that if her surgery was on the 19th of January then she should be in a critical state until March. This is helpful to know.

According to the physicians after she moves out of this phase of recuperation it is very important to carefully watch: Frequent urination, regular bowel function, deep breathing, appropriate body temperature regulation and be on the watch for any significant swelling below the knee (clots).

Tonight is the first night for the kids and I to go home since her accident.

Thank you Lisa for being a true friend!
Your Loving efforts for my wife will never be forgotten....especially breaking us out for a Starbucks