Bonner's Journal- Day 15. Freezer ordeal

January 29. Day 15
Freezer ordeal

After 15 days the kids & I finally got to attend our church in Madera. This is the first time that we have been together, and been back at home since the night of the Insult. The kids and I were so excited to see the group of Believers that we moved to Madera to be with, just six years ago. Words cannot express how much our family has grown since we have been under solid biblical teaching. I am not the same man I used to be.

Our church body showed such loving concern for my family and I. They showed their true colors. If I know one thing, they have been warring in prayer and praise for my family for the past two weeks!

How can I ever tell these special people how much the love of God through them has kept my mind and emotions from collapsing? 

After church a young child named Andrew approached me. He calmly informed me that God had given him a message for us. He explained that God told him that if we would pray in tongues for an hour or so that we would see a drastic change in Hannah's progress. Knowing the kind of biblical training that our church provides our children, I was not surprised at his spiritual maturity...but I chuckled with delight that God would use a young boy to deliver such an important message. Jesus said that, "unless you become like a child you cannot even SEE the kingdom of God." I will remember the direction of the Lord, sent from this little on.


The kids and I went home after church to get a few things from our home. When I opened the garage door the most rotten smell came flowing out to greet us! "What is that smell", one of the kids exclaimed, "I think something died in here", said another. I was thankful we didn't find one of our cats in there.

Come to discover, the deep freeze freezer had been off for days and the rotting meat had oozed blood all over our garage. 

I almost had a meltdown.

It is laughable what life throws you sometimes. Whether it was Satan trying to add "one more straw" to the heavy burden I have been rejecting to carry...or just a twisted coincidence...I do not know. This one event, on top of everything else, was just too much for me to handle. I just stood there and twitched with frustration. Then I just loaded the kids in the car and walked away.

My rescue team arrived and cleaned every part of that ugly stinking mess. Mark, Mel, Jesse, Adam , David , Liz , Lisa & Craig cleaned all of it, and I am so very grateful for their act of love. Wow! Such grace and love they showed my family.

On a good note:
The family got to visit Hannah today.
For everyone, there were many tears, and Gods presence was there to comfort. You could actually FEEL His peace.

Bodee had a dream that Hannah got out of bed and was dancing and singing

Bonner's Journal- Day 14. She's mobile

January 28 Day 14

watch out, she is mobile!

The catheter removal yesterday proved to be major challenge. We didn't sleep more than an hour or so all night. Several times we had to wake to do the "bed pan thing".

Hard night, but made progress. So thankful to be off the catheter.

Today Hannah pulled herself with her legs in the wheelchair. Her leg movements are very irregular, which is officially termed spasticity by the medical profession. The spasmodic movement is the effect of her spinal cord's messages not making it to all the muscles, and the muscle's feedback not making it back to the brain. This delayed signal is due to the swelling in the cord. With time and therapy we are believing that ALL her movement will be just as graceful as she was in her days of competitive dance. The God of Hannah heals completely, not just partially.

The team of therapists are regularly getting her into the standing position. These brief moments of her being vertical, even though she is basically being held up by her trainers, are "reprogramming" the spinal nerves and responding muscles.

Oh, how encouraging it is to see her progress!
I love this little woman.

She is a long way from just being able to move her left thumb and toes, as she was 14 days ago.

Bonner's Journal- Day 13. Humble & thankful

January 27. Day 13
Humble and thankful

Today's celebration was the removal of the catheter, the ability to hold her urine, and to almost clear all of her bladder at will. This is a greater hurdle than we could have ever imagined.

Thank you God!

"And those members of the body, which we think to be less honorable, upon these we bestow more honor; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness...and if one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honored, all the members rejoice with it."
 1 Corinthians 12

Bonner's Journal-Day 12. SCI education

January 26. Day 12
More education on SCI

We are learning more from the medical staff about the common symptoms associated with a spinal cord injury

The doctors are telling us that they are not sure how much Hannah's bowel function and bladder control is hindered by the injury. They have already diagnosed a decrease in natural functioning, and they are fore-warning us of permanent damage. As they took us through a lengthy discussion about all the things to expect naturally, our faith has been severely tested.

Even though we greatly appreciate their in-depth knowledge, the possibility of permanent dysfunction has created a heavy realization on Hannah's mind and emotions. It has been especially difficult for her to battle shame when she has to endure the bowel program that the nurses have to administer in the evenings.

Equally difficult has been the pressing decision to face the immediate needs of family & work...my children have been with my parents for  almost two weeks, and I have a football program to manage.

Priorities have been made evident:

I am a son of God
I am a husband
I am a father
I am a football coach... in that order.

How does our family survive these tough times?
What can we possibly contribute to God's plan?

We will overcome as we maintain a balance of patience AND persistence. The secret is in "Doing" what He leads us to do, as we hold on patiently. Mostly, we are active in listening, preparing and learning, while resting in our circumstance. Our finite minds want the end result, and struggle to rest in adversity. It seems foolish to common thinking, but I know that something big lies on the other side of the trouble we are encountering.

But that what makes me different.
I am not a normal man, I am man of faith.
I believe what Jesus says.
If Jesus is not the healer that He says that He is, then my faith is worthless.

Bonner's Journal-Day 11. 2nd day of therapy

January 25. Day 11. 
2nd day of therapy

 Hannah is thankful to be out of bed, despite extreme dizziness and nausea

Adjusting to the timing of God, and trusting it.

Allowing patience to have its perfect work. Today we celebrated the ability to get out of bed & into a wheelchair. For us, this is a huge victory, even though it may seem small. In actuality, small victories are not really small at all. We are thankful to not be dead.

What is God accomplishing through these days of hardship?
What is He doing in these days of waiting?

He is instilling in us the necessary humility and compassion for being responsible in our future positions of leadership.
He is also revealing His nature...LOVE
He is faithful to His promises, and we can trust the methods that bring about His destined plan for our lives.

Bonner's Journal-Day 10.1st day of Therapy

Tuesday January, 24. Day 10. 1st day of Therapy 

 Began physical therapy today

The team of therapist carefully transferred Hannah out of bed and into a wheelchair. I realized how "fragile" she is right now, and how completely helpless her body has become. She essentially can do NOTHING for herself. Gravity is just too much much resistance for her weak body to overcome.
The signals being sent to her muscles are not strong enough to move anything on her own, probably due to the swelling that is still on her cord.

Therapy was torture.

Hannah was a champ. I am so proud of my wife. She is the most determined, focused and committed lady I know. During the duration of today's excruciating tests and examinations I never heard her complain or ask to quit.

I do not mean to be crude with this next statement, but the reality of the process that she is overcoming in needs to be told. Due to the devastating effects of a spinal cord injury, added to the immense amounts of narcotics that the medical staff have had to administer to her, to combat the high levels of pain ...she has not had a bowel movement for 10 days. Today she had to endure the humiliating "bowel program". She is also on a catheter to capture her urine. Often the bladder's function is hindered, and sometimes destroyed, when the spinal cord is injured.
This reality has created for Hannah, and I, a new thankfulness for the often overlooked processes of the body. Using the restroom was always just something that happened, but now we see it in a completely different light. We are expecting a complete healing in this area, and are hoping that full sensation and control will be hers soon.

It is obvious that we are being assigned to a LIVE IN facility. This is not what I envisioned. My human interpretation of God's healing had her leaping out of bed days ago, however I can clearly see that God's timetable rarely matches ours.

I do not like what seems to be coming, but I refuse to miss His blessings because of my refusal to wait on Him.

We are obviously in a DIVINE DELAY.

 If God would have just handed us an instant healing we would have had no opportunity to walk by faith.

Bonner's Journal-Day 9. Rehab center

Monday January, 23. Day 9
A New Journey
Leon Peters rehabilitation Center

Today we joined the Leon Peters rehabilitation Center on the 6th floor of the hospital. A welcome change of scenery, knowing that we are transitioning from medical care to therapy and forward progress! We were informed that there are only two spinal cord facilities in California, one here in Fresno and the other in San Francisco. Having Hannah so close to our family and friends will be critical in the days to come. Support is vital.

Let me make something very clear...
If you read this journal and only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. Our lives are carrying a PRECIOUS  Message, in the  details of a normal human ordinary life. We have a story to tell, but we as everyday people are nothing special.We know that our 'normalness' is to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power... with us, Bonner and Hannah.

Those that know know us know that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.

What they did to Jesus, they do to us...trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us...He lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, if you are REALLY listening you're getting in on the best!

We're not keeping this quiet...not on your life.

Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," Bonner and Hannah are saying what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you who believe...alive. Every detail works to our mutual advantage and to God's glory: more and more favor, more and more people, more and more praise!

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.

These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

See 2 Corinthians 4:7-18

Bonnner's Journal-Day 8. 9th floor

Sunday January, 22. Day 8. 
On the 9th floor

It is interesting that there are two forces at work in our current situation. The further we have moved from the serious stages of this trial we are filled with a peace and knowing that God has us in His loving hand, yet the difficulty of each day increases. 

How could it get worse? 
I thought that this ordeal would lighten up once I found out she wasn't dead...but it has not.
In one aspect Hannah's future is better, in another it seams very bleak, almost overwhelming.
I am truly expecting a complete "rise up and walk" miracle each day, yet I am committed to endure patiently no matter how long the healing process may take.

 Our journey is far from over

Being on the 9th floor provided the biggest challenge so far.  I was not allowed to stay with her as I was permitted in the ICU, which proved to be the most damaging factor to Hannah's progress thus far. No matter how many times I pleaded for them to allow me to stay they forced me to leave from 9 pm to 8 am her first night. I will never forget the helpless look in my wife's eyes as I regretfully said goodbye to her for the first time since her injury. 

She wept.
She explained to me that she was afraid that she was being left in a new room, with a new nursing staff, and with absolutely no way to help herself. Her paralysis was literally imprisoning her. 


How I turned my back on her, and walked out of that room, I do not know.

When I arrived in the morning she had digressed. She was worse off than she was when I left her the night before. The fact that she was sharing a room, plus the continual noise of the monitors and active nurses caused Hannah to actually lose progress. 
After a family friend, who is a doctor, spoke to the nursing staff on the 9th floor we were allowed to stay with Hannah for the duration of the day and night. Another favor from God that helped us overcome the hurdles that kept coming.
 
In an attempt to move forward with Hannah's progress I began to do physical therapy exercises as I was instructed by the medical staff. It is surprising how aggressive the medical interventions are for a spinal cord injury, as compared to the methods of a few decades ago. The importance of immediately moving the SCI patient is critical in "retraining" the neuro-pathways, and because of this understanding people are getting well much faster than before. We were told that in the past the patient was commonly placed on a bed and not moved for a year or so, long enough for the swelling around the cord to reduce, and whatever that person could do after a year was their fate in life. Not so for Hannah. In just three days from surgery she began her movement training. Very painful, but necessary.

I believe that God sent the exact care team that we needed. Each one of them was a messenger of light, when we were in a dark place. An example of one of God's assignments was a Physicians Assistant that monitored Hannah. She became a major source of faith for Hannah and I. She gently shared her own personal victory over paralysis and gave Hannah great hope.  

I have heard it said that hope (expectation) paints the picture for your coming victories.

I have heard it said that hope (expectation) is the breeding ground for a miracle.

Today our first born son Bladen called my cell and carefully explained to me that God had sent him a dream in the night. He dreamed that his mother was healthy, healed and whole, and was in front of our home with a new car!

The report of our son's dream agreed with what God had said...FULL RECOVERY!


I BELIEVE

Bonner's Journal-Day 7. Leaving ICU

Saturday, January 21. Day 7
Leaving the ICU

The report of the doctor would soon agree with what God had declared over Hannah....

Saturday at 11:00 a.m. Hannah's neurosurgeon came in through the door of her room and instantly I noticed that something was different. Being that I had been fasting and spending much time in the presence of God, I felt that I had an increased sensitivity to the spiritual atmosphere around the people who we were encountering on a daily basis. In this case I sensed a strong force of faith on him. It is hard to explain but I felt his confidence.


He came boldly to Hannah's right side, which had not moved since her injury & surgery, and commanded her to move her right hand. Yes, he commanded her body to move! For a second I thought that he was a believer in the power of Jesus' name to heal, as Hannah and I are, but then I realized that he had faith in his own effectiveness through surgery. Either way I perceived his great faith...and she opened and closed her right hand, and then proceeded to move her right elbow!

He then said, "you are going to have FULL RECOVERY, all neuro-pathways are intact and working."


Thank you Lord! 
The prophetic word that God had given to us on the first night, before I even knew if she was alive or dead, was repeated to us by our surgeon.
The word that sustained me for a week, when my wife's body was limp, was spoken again.
The exact phrase that was chosen by God for our entire body of believers to declare in prayer, was repeated by her doctor.
The doctor could have used any number of phrases at that moment...but as scripture says "the answer of the tongue is from the Lord."


Oh, the overwhelming joy that I felt at that moment! 


After the doctors closely monitored her progress for two days we left the Intensive Care Unit at 8:00 p.m. and were relocated on the 9th floor neurostepdown unit. Hannah was no longer considered unstable by the medical staff which allowed her to enter a less restrictive care unit. 

Bonner's Journal-Day 6. She will sing again

Friday, January 20. Day 6 
She will sing again


After we received the right nursing staff things improved greatly. Peace was restored to her room, and Hannah began to show signs of recovery from her surgery. I really noticed the effects of the medication that "put her under". She was no where near her normal self. This bothered me, but having been through surgery on my knee I understood the haze that she was feeling. I pray that she recovers from the general anesthesia much quicker than I did...it took me over a year to feel normal again.


Her greatest challenge after the surgery was swallowing and talking. The neurosurgery staff gave their disclosures before the surgery that Hannah might not ever sing because the procedure involved a anterior (from the front) entry to her cervical vertebrae. Their methods involved drastically pulling her trachea, blood vessels and vocal nerves to the side so that they could work directly on the spinal cord.  

When Hannah heard them say that she might not ever sing again , she cried... 

But then a look of strength came over her and she declared that she would not be kept from her greatest joy, which is praising her Lord!

Bonner's Journal-Day 5. Surgery

Thursday, January 19th. Day 5

Surgery

Being that the neurosurgeon was not pleased with the results of the steroid medication on the swelling inside the spinal cavity, he suggested that we pursue "more aggressive measures." At 8:30 a.m. the neurosurgeon performed an anterior cervical diskectomy and fusion of the C3 &C4 vertebrae, to reduce the compression on the cord from the bulging disk inside Hannah's neck. Despite the risks of such an operation we felt confident that this was the right plan of action.

During the surgery I felt strongly the urging of God. An overwhelming determination to connect with Him was upon me. I was shocked that He was leading me to lay face down in the neuro-surgery waiting room and worship Him. Not caring who was in the room I bellowed out to Him my praise and complete surrender. 

At one moment I felt like Jesus Himself walked through the waiting room, over me, and into the operating room. Maybe an angel? But a kingdom messenger for sure! Immediate peace came over me and I knew in an instant that she would be all right. I began to laugh aloud with joy and release of peace. I am sure the people in that waiting room were asking themselves "Who is that crazy man on the floor?!"

Hannah was indeed doing great, just as I had felt during that precious time of prayer and worship. 

Scripture says that Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. He especially tries to steal immediately after the truth has been planted in our hearts. Hannah had just overcome one of the enemy's greatest attacks, so he came with another.

We faced a horrible situation with a male nurse the very moment the medical staff brought her back to the ICU. While I was forced to wait for entrance back into her room, this man was disturbing my wife with his out of place comments and lack of care for Hannah's needs. When I got into the room I could feel the thick tension that was created by his presence. Hannah was in complete agony. I knew that he was not the right influence on my wife, and this fact was solidified by the look on my wife's face. I could see her extreme pain and helplessness. The enemy had sent a distraction.

Not knowing the correct course of action I tried to ignore the ugly situation and attend to Hannah, just as I had done for the last few days. At this point he got confrontational with me! I do not consider myself a confrontational person, but I can tell you that at that moment I was not the man you wanted to mess with. We eventually handled his removal in a diplomatic manner, and peace was again restored to her recovery room. The newly assigned nurse attended to Hannah's painful state.

The enemy tried to take away from the victory of the surgery with an assignment of strife and division, but we caught it and took authority in the spirit. Seeing from that experience that I needed to diligently defend my wife's well being I began the habit of fasting periodic meals throughout the day in order maintain a position of strength for battle.

A rare moment in those early days when Hannah had her beautiful smile

Bonner's journal-The first 5 days

The longest five days of my life

For five days we endured the rigors of the intensive care unit, and the report of the physicians. The specialists that worked on Hannah were obviously a God-given answer to our desperate condition, and we were VERY thankful for all their care. However, it become overwhelming when they kept reminding us that Hannah was essentially paralyzed.


Had we not understood the promises of God given to us in His written word....Had we not received a direct word from our church body's leader of intercession that Hannah would have "FULL RECOVERY"...Had I not understood how to keep His comforting presence of peace by continual worship and praise...Had I not defended her hospital room from the spirit of fear through praying in tongues...Had I not the knowledge that I could continually "feed' Hannah the healing medicine of scripture as described in Proverbs 4:20...  We would not have the opportunity to share this victory. 



For five days Hannah had an "incomplete" paralyzation. Her only movement was limited to her left thumb and left toes. The neurologists prescribed continual steroid inflammation treatment to the spinal cord through her IV.  Those were extremely hard days, but I maintained a steady dose of God's promises to heal and restore, even when she was asleep and only her subconscious mind could hear God speak life. Every time a doctor would report the condition of her body I would thank them, because I was thankful to know the size and nature of the mountain we were facing. I knew that God's word was the only report that we needed to concentrate on, so I would give her twice the dose of scripture to counterbalance the fear filled reports of her physicians. I knew above all that her soul needed to prosper with His promises, so that her body could be in health.
The natural evidence being displayed in her body, made the reliance on God's promises even more urgent.

A true victory of faith.

I now fully understand what He meant when God declared that "the just shall LIVE by faith."

Bonner and Hannah will soon be posting updates in faith that their story will someday be a witness to how awesome and faithful our God is. Stay tuned, check in regularly, but please be patient. Bonner is spending every moment of his time caring for his wife and kids. Hannah is progressing more and more daily. We trust that some day soon she will be posting on this blog without the help of others!

Lisa

Thank you for your prayers, gifts, and outpouring of love.

We appreciate your patience. Recovery from a spinal cord injury is hard work and Hannah needs her rest!

Romans 12:12

Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer...