Getting my house in order.
Help, God!
I have been living the fasted life since we began this journey. I have never fasted before, so this entire process is new to me...but one that I MUST take. Desperation for the voice of God has consumed me.
Through fasting, prayer, study, praise and reflection I have asked God to dig into the deepest part of my being as I go about being the head of this household. Oh, God! Search out my heart!
Have I ever really been a leader? Have I ever done ALL that I knew in my heart that I should? Why would I wait until tragedy strikes to find God's desire for my family? Really allow HIM to show me what a husband-father looks like?
So many opportunities to teach and train my children in Godly living have been presented to me, it boggles my mind. I see teachable moments everywhere.
How many times have I overlooked the opportunity to be a dad? How many moments have I let slip through my fingers? What was I focused on all these years? How many times did my own heart convict me that I needed to change?
The reality of being a failing father is disgusting!
I REFUSE to be a loser who selfishly seeks his own. I REFUSE to go after a life of self, and leave my family to fend for themselves. I REFUSE to justify in my mind that I deserve to make myself feel good, when I know in my heart that I am to seek my families needs first. I REFUSE to be a lazy slob who hides behind the lie that "I go to work and provide for my family." I REFUSE to lie to myself. I REFUSE to remain a coward. I REFUSE to hide behind my family when I know I should be walking out the role He has called me to be in my profession and social position. I REFUSE to act religious, when I know I am to be a warrior!
God said, "Husbands love your wives (and children) just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
Did you get that Bonner? Jesus DIED for the church...you are to DIE for your wife and children! Jesus showed His love by giving up His desires for the church...you are to give away your selfish motives and serve your family. Jesus proved love by doing what was difficult, you are to do the same.
Why don't we start with the way you SPEAK to your wife and family, Bonner?...do you speak to them in the loving tone that Jesus talks to the church? Do your words reflect His love?
There are so many weaklings out there...that call themselves men, but do not do what men are supposed to do. I REFUSE to be one of them.
Here is what men do:
Men lay down their life. Men serve. Men make the extra effort. Men do the tasks that no one wants to do. Men go the distance for their wives and children, even when it is uncomfortable. Men refuse to seek their own pleasure, but choose the well being of their families first. Men spend unending hours searching their own hearts for selfishness...then they destroy it. Men live a quest for excellence. Men live a life of transparency. Men snitch on their own sin to their wives, so that sin has no hiding place. Men get their own house in order, then they reach out to other men to do the same.
No more excuses. Step up and be a man. Quit blaming. Quit justifying. Quit whining & complaining. Are you a man or not? What did God make you to be?
Where are all the men?
Wake up Bonner!
Wake up husband!
Wake up father!
I know that with my surrender, as the leader of this house, God can direct our steps into greatness. Wherever He is taking this Christ-centerd family is going to be big!
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